Had someone e mail this to me.
STUN GUN PocketTaser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. When I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect
on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...WAY
TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought t he device and brought it home.
I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
Button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5'
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked
to one side as to say, 'don't do it idiot', reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all
that bad...I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of
it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, 'Do it again, stupid, do it again!'
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A
three-second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so
later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point),
collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock.
P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
STUN GUN PocketTaser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. When I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect
on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...WAY
TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought t he device and brought it home.
I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
Button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5'
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked
to one side as to say, 'don't do it idiot', reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all
that bad...I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of
it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, 'Do it again, stupid, do it again!'
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A
three-second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so
later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point),
collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock.
P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
