the community joke thread

[bighitrider45]

just alittle thread to get our minds off reef tanks (especially those of you with diy inwall projects and giant tanks) jsut post a funny joke or jokes you know lol.. kk i will start with a few

why did michael jackson go to SEARS..?




-cuz kids pants were half off lol!




why is santa clause so happy?




-cuz he knows where all the naughty girls live lol!!

kk now post your own lol

 

[krisfal]

Not really politically correct (I apoligize if I am offending anybody from the states mentioned below, but I will let you know I am a blond woman so fire away:lol, but awfully damn funny . . .

Subject: Problem Solved

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

 

[logiktest]

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

LOL Thats GREAT!

 

[jamiehill]

Mike and Bill have been drinking at their favorite pub all day and are totally wasted. All of a sudden Mike vomits
all over the bar and himself. With that he tells Bill when I get home and Mary see's the mess of me she will surely
kill me. Bill say's no worries my friend, tell Mary you were walking past a pub and that a drunk came out and vomited
on you....but, put $10.00 in your shirt pocket and tell her the drunk gave it to you for the cleaning bill.
Aaahhhh ....Say's Mike, that will work and goes home. As Mike enters his home Mary see's the mess of him and start's
giving out to Mike. Mike say's Mary... Mary, listen to what happened, it wasn't me, and he tells Mary his fabricated
story. With half believing Mike, Mary tells him to give her the shirt to throw it in the wash of which he does. When
Mary reach's in the pocket for the $10.00 bill to her surprise she pulls out two $10.00 bills, and asks Mike why
there are two $10.00 bills. Without batting an eye Mike, replies.... Aaahhhh... for Christ's sake I forgot to tell
you, he crapped in me pants too..... hiccup....... ;-)

 

[jamiehill]

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into
heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I
decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't
find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I
ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed
in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart
attack, and here I am.''
The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my
apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought
'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered
me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord
saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this
married chick's refrigerator.....'''

 

[jamiehill]

And my favorite...

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President in the morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers had died in Iraq
during the night. To everyone's amazement, all of the colour drained from the President's face, then he collapsed
onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld
"Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

 

[Slag]

My sister sent me this

I always have my field planted by now!
> Come hell or high water I'M FARMIN TODAY!
>
>
> Aw shucks. Heck. Darn.

 

[itsme]

Not really politically correct (I apoligize if I am offending anybody from the states mentioned below, but I will let you know I am a blond woman so fire away:lol, but awfully damn funny . . .

Subject: Problem Solved

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

i knew it