A cycle takes 6 to 8 weeks, there's no way around that, regardless of size. Biology is biology, even in a small tank. I also don't believe stirring the sand did anything at all, even to the clown. Being only 3 weeks old, there's nothing in the sand yet to do any damage. Of all lighting options out there, actinic is the least likely to supplement algae growth. Algae grows in yellow light, not blue, so the lower Kelvin you run, the more light the algae can use.
You need to test your water for ammonia and nitrates, both. In addition, the anemone is going to want sufficient chemistry across the board, and I'm honestly very concerned that your tank simply cannot reliably provide this.
Give your tank another month or two without adding any livestock (short of a cleaning crew, in time), and let things settle down and level off/stabilize. At three weeks old, you have quite the chemistry and biology experiment going on in there, for sure.
Keep up posted as things progess!
Edit: Weird, I didn't even see the second page of replies! So.. read my post understanding I only saw the first page.
So, with updated info, it sounds like you're headed the right way now. I've found Web forums to be more helpful than anything else, and I'm so appreciative. Please feel invited to ask about anything you might need help with, that's what it's all about!
Oh,and distilled water? Do you have a source for RO/DI? That's really the only way to go, if you want what's best. Most LFS sell RO/DI for about $.25/gallon, or something, if you're not ready to dish out $200 for your own unit.
